Monday, May 27, 2013


Wow, I'd say it's about time I wrote something, and I can't say not writing is a reflection of nothing going on.  In fact, it is probably more accurate to say that not writing is a reflection of a ton of things going on.  For the sake of brevity, let's do bullet points of some major events over the last two months:

* Directed a bike tour of Florida - 400 miles in 4 days for traffic safety.
* Appointed to the Board of Directors for Florida NAMI.
* Joined development team for NAMI Bikes 2014.
* Joined and left a RAAM bike racing team.
* Began development of a 24 bike ride to promote anti-bullying.
* Completed the a training program mental illness awareness and suicide prevention for police.
* Began work on an enhanced experience spinning program for the police department.
* A bunch of other stuff.

Now, the point of this particular post isn't to line up the things that I have been doing, but to point out the mistakes I have been making in getting involved in too many things.  That is not to say that any of these things are not worthy, important to me, or should be tossed aside.  However, if you know anything about depression, you know that it is important to regulate stress and practice self-care.  Well, each and every one of these things, added to work and personal responsibilities can ramp up stress to rather intensive levels, and this has the effect of sprinkling triggers throughout your days and weeks that can kick in depressive episodes at the most unpredictable times.

So, to get straight to the point, these last too months have been a combination of being extremely busy, coupled with the task to curtailing certain obligations that have less of a return on investment in time and effort.  That is to say, dialing back the intensity a bit.  What's more, I have been making more of an effort to do one of my primary management activities -- cycling.  Not directing a cycling team, or developing a race or event, but just riding my bike for exercise, fitness, and enjoyment.  It seems I allowed myself to become so immersed in cycling that my actual time on the bike was becoming limited more and more. With less of the positive impact of riding in my life, things were getting a bit harder day by day.

This is were my experience in dealing with my depression comes into play and is put to good use.  Managing depression means understanding the disease and what has positive and negative effects on it.  It means taking control of the events around you, being willing to say, "No", and putting the brakes on when necessary.  I guess you can say depression is like driving a car.  You can't run the engine at 9000 RPM, and you can't speed out of control, because you will come to a grinding halt.  You have to take control of the steering wheel and guide it when and where you can.  And it means you can never, ever take your eyes off the road.

Inattention with depression, like a car, means you may end up in a tree.   So, I've been very busy, but time to grab the wheel and drive, not just hang on for dear life.